Adab — Muslim manners in daily life

Islam is not just beliefs and acts of worship. It is a set of manners, a way of moving through the world that reflects the one who created it. The word for this is adab, and it is taught in thousands of hadiths and hundreds of verses. Here is a practical summary.

Parents

The Quran places the command to honour parents directly after the command to worship Allah alone (17:23-24). Not raising your voice to them. Not rolling your eyes. Speaking kindly, even when you disagree. Taking care of them in their old age.

This applies whether your parents are Muslim or not, whether they accept your Islam or reject it. The only thing you do not obey them in is disobeying Allah. Everything else, you honour them through.

Spouse and family

“The best among you are those who are best to their families, and I am the best among you to my family.”

— Jami at-Tirmidhi 3895 (sahih)

Not a quiet domestic tyranny, not a pious performance outside the home and harshness inside. Patience, kindness, playfulness, and the same respect you would show a stranger. The Prophet ﷺ raced his wife Aisha in the desert for fun. Twice.

Neighbours

The Prophet ﷺ said Jibreel kept recommending neighbours to him so often he thought a neighbour might inherit from you (Sahih al-Bukhari 6014). Good neighbours are not optional in Islam. Check on them. Bring food when you cook extra. Do not let your noise bother them. Do not let your rubbish accumulate where it affects them.

Strangers

• Greet them. As-salamu alaykum is a greeting of peace, and the Prophet ﷺ said spreading it is one of the best acts of Islam (Sahih al-Bukhari 12).
• Smile. He said smiling is charity.
• Keep your word. Breaking promises is one of the signs of hypocrisy in a hadith, seriously listed next to lying and betrayal.
• Speak good or stay silent. The Prophet ﷺ said whoever believes in Allah and the Last Day, let them speak good or remain silent (Sahih al-Bukhari 6018).
• Do not look into private spaces, online or in person, that were not meant for you.

Anger

There is a widely-reported hadith where a man asked the Prophet ﷺ for advice repeatedly. Each time, the answer was the same: do not be angry (Sahih al-Bukhari 6116). The Prophet ﷺ also said the strong man is not the one who wrestles others. The strong man is the one who controls himself when angry (Sahih al-Bukhari 6114).

When you are angry, step away. If you are standing, sit. If you are sitting, lie down. Silent du'a is often more effective than reacting.